I’ve been dreamin’ dreams of a heavenly place/ ’cause this world is not my home

Some days, I would do anything to hear that bell ring again, the little one she kept on her night table. Even at 3 am. I would spring out of my bed, cover the few steps between her door and mine, and help her out of bed or adjust the covers or get her a drink. That blessed little bell. What I wouldn’t give for another smile. Another hug. Another I love you.

Valentine’s Day marked 1 year and 6 months since my grandma went to be with the Lord. It seems like such a long time, and yet some days it seems like I just lost her yesterday. Even as I post this, a friend’s elderly brother, an exuberant, dearly loved man, lies in the hospital and may not live to see another morning on this earth, another shattering reminder of the pain we all face.

There is a sweet beauty in all of this – that our loved ones who know Jesus, whether they are gone now or will go in the future, know the joys of a much better place, and are so fully satisfied with Christ that we could never wish them back. But that will never stop it from hurting.

When you hear those words “There’s nothing we can do”, something breaks inside of you. Life on earth loses a little more of its luster with every breath. Grandma had been through so much. She’d fought through so much. I had prayed many nights for God to please let her come home from the hospital alive. And she had. And then, when we were finally about to pull ourselves over the top of the mountain, an avalanche came crashing down on top of us.

There was weeping in that little house on sixth avenue that night, after those words from the doctor. Not because we were scared to say goodbye, for we knew she was ready, but because saying goodbye for that last time is the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do. It breaks your heart.

That summer was such a gift from God. One that I will always treasure. One that no one else could ever understand. It wasn’t always easy, but I wouldn’t change it if I could. I made memories to last a lifetime, memories that are a healing balm to the tears. I have the comfort of knowing I gave Grandma as much love as I could.

If this is what God wants, if this is what God says/ who am I to doubt or try to figure out the circumstance

And it’s okay. Not in my earthly eyes, no, but in my spiritual eyes. Because if there’s one thing I know, it’s that His eye is on the sparrow and that no matter what happens, it IS well with my soul.

His time was not my time, but His ways are not my ways. And I don’t really expect to ever understand. Sorrow runs deep, and some dreams will always be broken. But I trust that it is not in vain. I may never see the good, but by faith I know it is there.

Our real home waits on the other side/where our treasures lie in store/no need to grieve for this old place/for heaven holds much more

“I love you. We’ll see you in the morning.” Those were the last words I said to my grandma. And so we will. No goodbye can ever change that. For this world…this world is NOT my home.

I love you, Grandma.

Sometimes you are afraid to be the person you really are. Afraid to admit that what you see inside yourself is not who you want to be. Not the person everyone around you thinks you are. That at your deepest core and rawest moments, you are falling apart.

Sometimes you live a life you don’t like. Live a life you don’t want to live. Because you don’t know how to change. Because you’re afraid to change. Afraid to leave the terrible ruts that mean comfort for the new roads that mean change. You choose easy over good.

Sometimes you are afraid to trust God. Afraid that letting Him have all of your life – and your dreams – will mean He will ask more of you than you are willing to give. To do something you don’t want do to. To sacrifice something you are afraid to let go of. To wait longer than you can wait. Your heart trembles to believe, longing to let go, yet clinging desperately.

Oh God, free me from this fear. Free me from being afraid. From this prison that closes around me like a heavy darkness, blocking out the light of truth that I crave to soak beneath. Free me to be the person you made me to be. To live the life you made me to live.

Free to trust You, and to trust Your Love.

“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” – 1 John 4: 16-18

With the weather outside something frightful, or at least too chilly for my taste, the dawn of January found me checking into a local gym. (Ah…..let me savor the moment of how impressive that sounded. Okay, got it. Sorry.)

I’d never been to a gym before and to be quite honest, all the weird looking machines and people and general bustle was rather intimidating. I felt a little apprehensive that first Monday as I trotted up the stairs in my blue & green Nikies to the main floor. I started my warm-up walk around the track, which circled the perimeter of the respective workout areas. This gave me some time to take in the environment, notice where everything was located, and observe the general activity.

With each step my apprehension gave way to confidence and a sense of belonging…and strangely enough, inspiration. I started to notice the diversity of people present. White-haired ladies to middle-aged men to college students, some trim, some not so trim, from all walks of life and professions. And they were all there for the same basic reason of strengthening their body for a healthier lifestyle.

Some were lifting weights, some were pounding the treadmill; others biked away while reading their paper, or walked circles like I was. And I cheered each of them on in my heart. Because they were there, They were changing something. To quote runner John Bingham, “The miracle is not that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.” And to me, that is really worth something.

After hopping on the treadmill for what one could say was a moving experience (sorry, bad pun), I cooled down on the track again and then procured myself one of the bright blue mats for an extended dose of stretching. Staring up at the purple-pink ceiling with the whir of ellipticals and treadmills and the clank of weights echoing through the open air, I realized what a wonderfully stimulating environment this place called the gym was. Just being there, surrounded by all those people made me more excited about what I was doing; it made me want to keep coming back.

That experience got me thinking about the family of God. And how being part of that family bears resemblance to being part of a gym community.

As Christians, we’re all on an individual journey – a specific “work-out plan”. We’re at different places learning different things. Some of us are just walking, some of us are running, some of us are lifting weights, and some of us are doing a whole lot of stretching. But the point is, we all have the same goal and the same pursuit – serving Jesus Christ. And that fact alone makes it inspiring to be with each other. That fact alone should make us cheer one another on.

“But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” – Hebrews 3:13

I am so grateful for the beautiful gift God has given me as part of His family – built in workout partners! Whether we share and train closely together, give a smile and word of encouragement as we’re jogging by, or just observe the workings of God in lives from afar – well, it’s plain motivating.

So lace on those shoes and look around – you’re not alone!

Song – Thankful, Josh Groban

From a new-found favorite blog, Hope Road….

Compared to the extreme obsession with beauty rampant in our culture, though, sometimes it’s easy for me to excuse a seemingly innocent obsession with beauty in myself. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to look feminine or even pretty, or enjoying fashion. But we should be far, far more concerned with the adorning of our hearts than with the adorning of our outer appearances. And it is so easy to cross the line into a prideful obsession with looking perfect that can lead to putting other women down, objectifying and stereotyping men, or on the other end of the spectrum, harming ourselves in a variety of ways because we don’t meet our own or society’s standards.

- Read Here -

Dreams come and go. I paint pictures in my mind. I get lost in moments of a beautiful future. Happy tears. Warm embraces. Waving daisies. Sweet sunshine dances.

But they’re just dreams. Just wishes blown like dandelion seeds into the great wide open.

Who is to know where they will land? Or when. Or how. Or even if they will at all.

My Father knows.

The winds blow and seasons change. So go our dreams and wishes.

They must be held, for we are human, but not too tightly. They must be cradled lightly in hope, not clung to desperately for existence.

If one day my dreams come true, I will thank God with a full heart. And if one day my dreams don’t come true, I will still thank God with a full heart, knowing full well His ways are not my ways.

Sway gently, my dreams. He loves me more.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

-Romans 8:28

(*photo from stockxpert.com)

“We shouldn’t be afraid of hard things just because they’re hard.”

It was an amazing event. Organized and put on primarily by young people, it was definitely unlike any conference I’ve attended before. How do you put into words a giant room filled with 2,000 teenagers and parents (and the rest of us in neither category), all gathered together to hear the challenging and inspiring – and yes, life changing – message of rebelling against the low expectations of our culture and instead living your best life for God?

Being there made everything I’d ever read on the Rebelution blog come alive. Hearing Alex & Brett articulate and expound upon “Do Hard Things” in their own voices, listening to their stories, laughing along with their jokes, and sensing their deep passion and Godly spirits, it seemed like I was hearing everything for the first time all over again. The entire day served as an encouragement and time of new resolve in my own heart.

“We will become the men and women we strive to be. Is what we are doing right now preparing us for what we want to be doing in the future?” – Alex Harris, speaking on The Myth Of Adolescence

“If you fail at something it’s not because you aren’t able, or even that you didn’t try your best – you haven’t built up the strength to succeed.” – Brett Harris, speaking on Do Hard Things

There was also the momentarily weird, but neat happenstance of being recognized by three different fellow rebelutionaries who I knew only from blogging/writing – Kristin Braun of Beauty from the Heart (along with proofreader Bethany) Sarah Greek of Regenerate Our Culture, and David Boskovic of Oneway Purpose. Meeting them definitely brought the blogsphere to life!

I met Brett & Alex during the first morning break, and they are just wonderful. It was exciting to actually have it “be real” after feeling like I already knew them. There is a humble graciousness about them, and while they’ll be the first to give God credit (which He is due), I know their commitment and hard work planted the seed that has grown so big. We were able catch a little more time to talk afterwards, and it was a blessing all around. Please remember to pray for them as their book deadline nears.

One of the most moving events of the day came during Mr. Harris’s session. After talking about how many people just go through the motions of being a Christian (so easy for all of us) he extended an invitation to those who realized they didn’t truly know Christ. A number of young people courageously stood to make their choice known, and it was incredible to know lives were being changed in that very moment. As more of us stood to renew our own commitment to living a life boldly and openly for Christ, there was such a sense of God’s spirit and awesomeness. It brought the purpose of everything full circle and Joel Harris led us in a precious time of song worship.

After one final session, we put away our notebooks, snapped more blog pictures, and gave last goodbyes. One thing is for certain, we left different than we came. I for one was reminded why hard things make a difference, how to go about getting them done, and the importance of trying again and again and again…and again. And this most of all : Knowing and loving God IS what matters above all else we may ever do.

“Cut something out, put something in, rearrange the furniture of your life, and you might find yourself living differently.”

My advice – next time The Rebelution Tour comes around, make sure YOU are there!

Still To Come :: Photos, Video, & “Rebelution Rain”

The first time I saw this video, I was simply amazed. I still get chills and goosebumps whenever I watch it.

You know, we are so quick to judge by outward appearance. This guy is going to sing what? You have to be kidding.

Then he opens his mouth, and suddenly you’re speechless. All your assumptions about him vanish as the crowd cheers in equal wonderment. Wow. Now there’s unexpected beauty.

God is the master of beauty in unexpected places. Oh, all of us expect a rose to be beautiful. But sometimes we look at people, who, like Paul Potts, don’t appear especially attractive or talented, and because we can’t “see” any beauty, we assume it’s not there. How shallow of us.

I believe every person created by God has something beautiful about them; half the time we don’t stick around long enough to find out what it is. We make our judgment in one glance. We see the imperfections and not the possibilities. If we were to look hard enough, perhaps we would see the beauty. Or in this case, hear it.

With an incredible voice, and a sincere, unassuming humbleness in his eyes, Mr. Potts shatters stereotypes. And somehow his “imperfections” as they were, only make him more beautiful. While to my knowledge he isn’t a Christian, I know that God delights in using ALL of us as we are – imperfect, yet beautiful.

Paul Potts makes me want to be more careful about how I view the people around me. Looks are deceiving – you could just be surprised.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. – Psalms 139:13 & 14

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and will all your soul and with all your strength.”
-Deaut. 6:5

To love God above all else. Above all people. Above all possessions. Above all pursuits. Above your desires. Above your dreams. Your preferences.

To love God with passion unrivaled, devotion unmeasured, and service undying.

To love Him with all your heart. Not just part or some. Not just 99.99% – but 100%.

To love Him with all your soul, to the very depths.

To love Him with all your strength. With every breath, with all your effort. Giving all that you have within you to serve Him.

At the very root of it all, this is my life purpose. To love God above all else.

I’m not there yet. I know myself too well to say that I really love God above all else. I try to. I want to. I want to be able to say that, and know it. That I love God with all my heart and soul and strength.

I’m not sure if that can be fully accomplished on earth or not. Yet through history I believe there are a few men and women who have. Maybe I just expect too little of myself.

It’s radical, it’s bold, it has a cost. It means living for an audience of One…and finding that’s the only way to really live at all.

“He loves us. And love does not mean making much of us or making life easy. It means making us able to enjoy making much of Him forever – no matter what it costs.”

-John Piper, Don’t Waste Your Life

Walking down the lane, on a summer evening
Thinking about the good things in this life
Thinking about that day and the difference He made
And how I finally came to realize
All that really matters as far as I can see
Forever and ever, it’s Jesus and me

Chorus

As we go down the road together
I know, come whatever, it will always be
Jesus and me
When I feel the warm sunrise
I know He’s by my side
Guiding me all the way home
It’s gonna be, Jesus and me

Talking about this life, talking about His love
What it really means to be a friend
Oh, there’s peace of mind in knowing
Yea, where I’ll be going, when at last I reach the long days’ end
Oh, till I reach that river and His face I see
I will keep on singing, it’s Jesus and me

Repeat Chorus

[mosie lister, joe beck, phil johnson]

(…and good things too)

-The truth isn't always EASY, but it's always merciful.

-Sin is DEADLY.

-You can't be protected unless you are willing to place yourself under protection.

-Life is vastly greater than US.

-Seeing things the way they really are (yourself included) is HARD.

-Make the important, IMPORTANT. Make the un-important, un-important.

-Live in light of eternity.

-People are not always what they appear to be. 

-A hard heart may not feel, but it HURTS the hearts who do.

-Trust with caution – there are no refunds or replacements when it's broken.

-God…understands the tears.

-Special emails are heaven-sent. 

-My daddy's shoulder is always loving, and always safe.

……………………..